Billionaire’s Voice Has Dropped Three Octaves Since His Divorce; Company Declines To Comment On Why

Sources close to the situation describe the change as “definitely happening” and “none of your business, legally speaking.”

Pictured: a man who bought the moon and is deciding whether to keep it. Patch on forearm not addressed in interview.

Longtime observers of the aging space-tourism billionaire have noted that his voice, once a mild Wall Street tenor, has over the past several years descended into a register best described as “movie villain revealing his plan,” “podcast bro after leg day,” and, per one widely circulated compilation video, “unsettling.” The transformation has coincided with a broader physical overhaul — visible arm definition, a suddenly aggressive tan, a laugh that internet commenters have compared to “a man who just bought the moon and is deciding whether to keep it.”

Asked to explain the change, a spokesperson said the billionaire’s voice is “just naturally evolving, the way anyone’s does,” before adding, unprompted, that “nothing about this involves a doctor, a prescription, or a protocol, and even if it did, that would be a private health matter, and even if it weren’t, we wouldn’t say.”

Internet sleuths have proposed several competing theories, including vocal training, a humidifier, and — per one TikTok with 40,000 likes and zero evidence — “manifestation.” No credible source has confirmed any of it, a detail that has done nothing to slow the theorizing.

“I’m not saying it’s TRT. I’m just saying a man does not sound like that after a Peloton class.”

“I’m not saying it’s TRT,” said one commenter, in a post that was, functionally, saying it’s TRT. “I’m just saying a man does not sound like that after a Peloton class.”

At press time, the billionaire responded to a question about his voice with a laugh so deep it registered on a nearby seismograph, then declined to elaborate.